“Hi, I’m Adriana Kuprešak and I am an alcoholic.”
Not the most glamourous introduction, I know but I’d prefer to set the scene from the start. You’ll either connect with my message, or you won’t. In a former life, not too long ago I spent 11 years fuelling an addiction to alcohol and carelessly tampering with drugs, while diving deeper into the depths of depression. Basically, I was walking towards rehab, in my designer shoes and you probably never would have known because I was a high-functioning addict. I have survived anyone’s worst nightmares and here I am, I live to tell my tales. My self sabotaging streak was met with self hate, perpetual self hate- a cycle I knew I needed to break. But how?
In March 2016, I sunk the deepest I’d ever sunk in depression before and began to pen down a suicide note. I reflected on the years of the abusive relationship I’d had with myself and every lesson I’d ever allowed inside my life. Sex, drugs and alcohol were my favourite distractions in the past, but in that very moment, my reflective narrative had me thinking. I told myself, “You’ve been this alcohol reliant and addicted freak show for the past 11 years and it got you this far but life doesn’t look the way you expected it would. How about instead of committing suicide, you give sobriety a chance and if that doesn’t work, do what you want with your life?!”
Let me tell you now, nothing scares an addict more than getting clean and sober. It meant I had to unlearn all my former habits, rewire my brain for self love and most importantly, admit my powerlessness to alcohol. That’s some scary stuff right there. My sober anniversary is 11.9.2016 and while I am new to this new path, I am still proud because it’s the cleanest my blood has been in over a decade.
“It’s ironic because as a travel blogger I always looked for the road less travelled and as an addict, sought the road most had already travelled.”
Why am I telling you this instead of all the other great things I have achieved? Like I said, my message won’t connect with everyone but right now, it is my greatest passion. I am open about my new journey and past struggles because I know what it’s like to contemplate taking your own life and I know what it’s like to look for any reason not to. I know from personal experience when I was seeking sobriety, I looked for people to look up to who had already walked the road before me. It’s ironic because as a travel blogger I always looked for the road less travelled and as an addict, sought the road most had already travelled.
If you want to know about the story about my life in an abusive relationship, click here.
If you’d like to read about what it’s like to be in alcohol addiction recovery, click here.
“I read this during my first few weeks of sobriety, and it’s been a bit of a guide post that I keep coming back to. This line in particular: “I was tempted to show my new friends who my old friends knew me to be.” -resonated with me, and has been a very valuable perspective for me in my daily interactions. I’m coming up on five months without a drink now, learning a little more each day who this new person is, and what he is capable of. Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability in this writing this article.”
Ryan Lynch via Tiny Buddha
“Your story is incredible and so enlightening. I have witnessed my ex-husband go through what you went through and he’s still struggling to love himself. I am hopeful now after reading your story that he might get there some day. Thank you for your honesty. Keep up the fight, one day at a time”
ACJacque via Tiny Buddha
“Very powerful article. i particularly identified with this “It was my fault for holding onto those first six months and hoping the real him would return. It was my fault that I let him treat me the way that he did. It was my fault for not leaving, particularly after the first time he hit me. It was my fault because surely I was doing something wrong that would trigger him to hit me. It was my fault because by staying, I was asking for it. ” overcoming these beliefs is very hard because so much of society makes it about the victim. i wish you well in your recovery.”
Fragrens via Tiny Buddha
“This is very poignant. It requires strong courage to write and reveal anything hidden in the dark side of you past. It forces you to relive it. Oh I so hope that you have past the stage of judging yourself. As to the judgment of others, only idiots would not understand what infatuation is, how strong emotional bullying is, and how by belittling you, he made you feel he was the only one who would ever want you. I am very very very proud for you that you wrote and published this article. It is beautifully written, explicit and clear about the abuse, and I love the fact that you do not judge yourself harshly in it either. Well done, Adriana, and thank you for sharing. it is a good lesson for anyone how there that it is easier than one would ever think to fall into an abusive relationship, but also that one can come out of it and turn out just wonderful. Yes, thank you.”