It has taken me two years to get here.
Two solid years to come out and confirm I am over my pain, I’m done with the suffering and I’m ready to move on. I have forgiven myself therefore I have forgiven you. The thought of forgetting no longer distracts my soul with fire, it liberates me. It has taken me two years to type out and also publish an Editor’s Letter because back then I cared what the response would be, I could afford to procrastinate my success and give fear all the credit and more importantly, I had no idea how to identify with myself and the message that I wanted to send. Two years to find my feet and settle down in the city that royally kicked my ass eight years ago.
Living in London has had it’s perks and it’s taken me two years to acknowledge these perks as a privilege. What a privilege to have access to some of the most successful, motivated and creative network of people at your disposal. There is no greater city than London to make all your dreams come true. It was time to stop wasting time.
London has had its moments where I’ve asked, “How many more times do you want to bend me over and fuck me?!” I was beginning to despise my favourite position. The air we shared smelt like a callous enemy, spiteful and full of revenge, reluctant to give me a chance. This was round two after all, 2008 still lingered as a constant reminder that all great things can come to a sudden end. I came here to find my light and pave my way for a new insightful direction that had the potential to motivate others to conquer their fears and live out of their comfort zone. I wanted to be an influencer but instead became influenced.
London wanted to take me down as much as I wanted to prove her wrong. I knew in the deepest corner of my heart that I belonged here and I did everything in my power to stay and make things work, where else was I going to go anyway? My heart wasn’t pulling me anywhere else and I had to honour this fact. London had to be the love of my life because my heart refused to love anyone else. Sure, I had my thing for Barcelona but it will only remain my favourite fling.
“If you don’t know your purpose, your immediate goal is to figure that out cause otherwise you’re just wandering around here. The moment you can figure out what it is you’re supposed to be doing, the sooner you can get about the business of doing that.” Oprah
The past two years of my life have been the most confusing, loneliest, isolating and darkest but my desire for better overpowered my desire to give in. I trusted the process, knowing my answers and light would come I just had to stay patient and focused on my own personal development and self awareness. There were days where I felt defeated but I would recall my strongest days and outline all the steps I took from the second I opened my eyes in the morning to the second I shut them in the evening. What made those days more precious and productive than the more difficult ones? One simple fact- I reminded myself I was wasting time and time is the one thing money cannot buy.
Last month my life, and many many others, lost a friend who throughout my teens made me feel like I had a brother I could look up to and I always secretly did. Taken far too young and in a midst of a whole new world opening up for him, his passing was a cruel reminder that time is ticking and your time has no deadline.
May your wings continue to be the strength for your family and friends.
Forever in my heart brate.0