Welcome to 2017!
I trust you all had a great holiday period and are either straight back into the hustle and grind or resting for a couple more days or so. I had a wonderful time with my family in Zagreb, Croatia and decided that this year I wouldn’t head back to Osijek to be with my cousins and grandparents. I wanted to try something a little different because for the past two years that is where I’ve spent my Christmases and partied into the new year and you know me, never a stranger to a new experience.
I celebrated the new year from my cousin’s flat overlooking the city where fireworks were set off in every street for several hours. Very similar to my time in Berlin three years ago. It was the first new year in my life where I felt a certain peace in my heart, one I’d never felt before. I didn’t look back on the year hating on the bad things that had happened and there were many but I also didn’t jump into the one ahead with this “It’s going to be my year,” type of ethos that I had in previous years. I kinda kept it chilled and as I watched the sky light up in various colours and spectacles, I just smiled, I’d done my ground work throughout the year and I was proud of myself. I’d conquered my fears such as talking to a camera and posting videos on youtube and I’d come a long way to the girl that I was only 12 months ago. Sure, I was only 4 months sober and these were predominately baby steps but it was also the longest I had ever been clean or sober in over 11 years. I’d somehow found this rock of courage to talk about my struggles and inform people that my life was far from the oil painting I’d portrayed it to be. One after the other messages from the darkness appeared in support and admiration.
I announced that I
WANTED to do a Ted Talk in 2017, as I have for many years now and days before I smiled goodbye at 2016, my wish was granted. It’s a little funny because, everything that I have now or anything on it’s way, I knew would happen the moment I removed myself from the environment that was no longer working for me. The thing is though, London was always my comfort zone and sadly, living in your comfort zone leaves little room for improvement. I met with the organiser for TEDx here in Zagreb last week and he asked, “You’re a queen of change. Do you even fear it anymore?” I said no.
I fear looking back at who I was 3 months ago, 6 months ago, a year ago etc. and not seeing myself evolve. This also goes for my content creation, particularly my YouTube videos. I constantly want to be learning new ways of improving how to live better, healthier and wiser. And most importantly, let go of what no longer serves me because I most likely longer serve it too.
I always enjoy the typical “2016 was a shit year, I hope 2017 is much better,” type rant on Facebook come New Years Eve. Define shit…? The fact that you have an ability to wake up every morning to a fresh new day, breathing and have 24 hours to do whatever you want with? It made me realise that every year is shit, no body on this planet has a “perfect” year. Sure, some of us experience more successes than others or contrary to previous years but with the good always comes the bad. I believe one’s reaction to “the shit” is a true testament for the way they observe the world around them.
I personally had a lot of sadness and dark times in 2016 along with some friendships that were done and dusted but I never looked at any of my incidences as an argument to walk around telling people that “2016 was a shit year,” if anything, I just learned how to sparkle through the shit. I also placed more emphasis on being grateful for everything that I did have in my life and wrote in a gratitude diary so I was constantly aware of the goodness around me. Trust me, there were many instances throughout the year where I was on the brink of being financially stuck but what I learned through this was that I had to trust the process. By this I mean, not live in a panic state and focus on the good because this way you’re working on a solution and not fixated on the obstacle.
As for new years resolutions, mine is to stay sober and I have placed the tools in my life to ensure that I do so, such as attending AA. I will go more detail in all this in many more posts and videos over the next 12 months, now is not the time to bring up my addictions.
I’ll also take this opportunity to apologise for neglecting you slightly towards the end of the year and I see my stats, there are plenty of you still checking in from big cities such as London, Sydney and New York. I will do my best this year to keep my blog as updated as my YouTube channel and ensure my content coincides because I know many of you prefer to read that listen to my voice and vice versa.
Thank you for continuing to join me year after year and if you’re new here, welcome. My personal space on the internet has evolved over the years but like I said, my greatest fear remaining the same.
I wish you all the greatest success in all your endeavours throughout 2017 and may you evolve personally and professionally while learning how to sparkle through the shit. x
Image Credit ・ Vikorija Novak3