Anytime I expressed my terror to anyone about getting on ice, they would bring up several other adversities from my past I’d overcome and ask for the logic. How the hell could I be afraid of putting on ice skates and skating around an ice rink? I can’t say I’ve got much experience with ice, growing up in Australia didn’t really expose me to it. Although there were ice rinks around, it was not a pass time I put my hand up for voluntarily.
The truth is, I hate unpredictability. Yep, I said it and it doesn’t make sense, I know. I don’t mind the unpredictabilities of life, yet I have the opposite feelings about getting on ice. I am convinced that I’ll fall. I am convinced of the worst outcome. I am convinced I’ll injure myself beyond repair but I fail to acknowledge that this fear easily translates into everything to do with my life. I leave my flat each day unknowingly aware of the billions of things that could go wrong in a split second throughout the day. I don’t let these things bother me, I take every step with confidence and trust that all will be okay. I could receive a phone call that unsettles me in regards to family or someone close to me that I care about. I could have a check up at the doctors that comes with bad news. I could witness an incident that leaves me with trauma. There are so many things beyond my control that I let go of and leave at the back of my mind and continue on with my day. So why have I convinced myself that I cannot get on ice to skate?
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
This is a strange post but I’m trying to draw a comparison with my reality and the limitations I hold within. Deep down I know that I can skate if I really focus and try. It’s not like it’s my first time in my life, I have skated before, I just didn’t like it. I don’t have any bad experience associated with gliding on ice, I just keep telling myself I’ll fall. I am so focused on failing that I doom myself before I even try, again. But if I fall, I’ll just get back up like I do in my life.
If this was an analogy I applied to my everyday life and the way that I approached each day, I’d fail compulsively and not in the type of fail where I learn something new, I would spiral down into my own version of negativity. This is not cool and mentally unhealthy.
During vlogmas I announced and committed to attempting to ice skate once. I even told my friend, Sonja Kovac all about it, who never forgot. I was hoping that while I was away in Osijek that the park would shut down and I’d save myself from pure embarrassment. Well, when I arrived back in Zagreb, Sonja decided to make a playdate out of my promise.
Like with most things in life, I was scared, actually I was terrified but knew that I’d be okay. And guess what? I was. I survived and didn’t fall once. I despised the feeling of uncertainty but made peace with it and completed my promise. I’ll admit that it was a little easier having a personal cheerleader encouraging me to conquer this fear. This always makes everything in life easier and more enjoyable, having a friend hold your hand.
What did I learn from all this? It’s easier to say I can’t do it and dismiss myself from even trying but where’s the growth in that? Here I am living as a leader for change, conquering fears and making dreams come true yet failing to be an example of something that isn’t that difficult, my mind just enjoys trying to trick me into believing my limitations are real. Sometimes you’ve just got trust your feet and that by heading into the direction of your fears, you slowly begin to teach yourself that maybe it wasn’t so scary after all.
What else is possible?