This week I found myself sending the one question through text message I was completely dreading. “I have a problem. I think I want to drink, not because I really want to but because I feel I need to.” As I sent those words over to America, to one of the only people who understands exactly what I am going through, I then looked around myself and saw who I once was. I knew that 3 hours into this particular party, I would already have been a couple of bottles of alcohol in and deep into a conversation I never would remember. The truth is, in my every day normal working and waking life, I don’t miss alcohol. I don’t miss the feeling of being intoxicated or that feeling I used to call normal the following day. I miss it in moments where I abused it to feel more comfortable and confident, and I have a decade worth of healing to work on from that system of abuse.
The response to my message came through, “Shit. I think it takes time to be out and not want to drink constantly. Maybe just ease into it…” As I read the message, something inside of me snapped. “No, I’m not drinking, I must remember why I started and I don’t want to be that girl anymore.” I asked myself, why would you destroy almost 3 months of work for 5 hours of supposed fun? What’s the fun in that?I knew I would regret it.
I did end up going out later that evening to a club and swore that if the atmosphere was good, I wouldn’t even think about drinking and I was right. I was so distracted by my favourite Serbian singers and the songs I listen to while walking down the street on my average day. The vlog will be out on Wednesday for you to see how I spent my Saturday.
I promise that I am coming up with a schedule for my YouTube channel in the new year, there is so much content I am working on right now and deciding on the direction of my channel has had my bifocal focus. Since officially starting my channel in August, yep only in august, I’ve been testing what works, which videos get the best response, engagement and so on. What I will announce ahead of the next vlog is that I’ll be participating in #vlogmas which means I’ll be uploading a new video to my channel everyday until Christmas from December 1st.
♥ Fave Quote
“Think of it this way: There are two kinds of failure. The first comes from never trying out your ideas because you are afraid, or because you are waiting for the perfect time. This kind of failure you can never learn from, and such timidity will destroy you. The second kind comes from a bold and venturesome spirit. If you fail in this way, the hit that you take to your reputation is greatly outweighed by what you learn. Repeated failure will toughen your spirit and show you with absolute clarity how things must be done.” Robert Greene, Mastery
♥ & Another…
♥ You Might Enjoy
My lovely fellow Croatian Blogging Sensation, Sonja Kovac was invited to Bratislava by Chanel for the new Chanel No.5 campaign launch. You can read all about the event here.
♥ NEW VIDEO ON YOUTUBE
Have you seen my first and only beauty review that I consider most furtherest from a review? Just my honest truth about some luxury beauty products that have run out in my beauty cabinet.
That’s all I’ll leave you with this week, I have a crazy long list of things to do today to get myself ahead for the rest of the week. Hope you have a wonderful week xx