6 SIGNS YOU’RE DATING A DOUCHEBAG

 

Congratulations! If you’ve stumbled across this post, like you, I also spent an evening typing ‘how to tell you’re dating a douchebag’ and ‘signs of a douchebag’ all over Google, pretty much aligning my Google Analytics for some questionable ads for days to come.  In that moment, I knew I was dating an idiot but like many females, I wanted reassurance from my unknown friends from the World Wide Web. Even though my friends were begging me to drop his ass I let him in time and time again. I liked him and I liked him a lot, why? To be honest, I was blinded by a blanket of loneliness at that time in my life, leaving room for more isolation when his true shades of black were shown.

Now what?

You’ve put all your emotional eggs into one basket and he’s no longer the knight who makes your heart flutter but rather the troll contributing to your anxiety and psychotic mood swings when you swore your life was so zen.  So from my experience, what are the signs you’re dating a man who is toxic for your soul?

One| He doesn’t like to pick the bill up or insists on going Dutch on the first date

In this case, call me Traditional. I don’t go Dutch on the first round. Not even the second.  If I’m meeting you with slight glimpses of it being a romantic relationship, you’re paying because you’re the gentleman trying to schmooze his lady into something serious. If you’ve been out with a guy on several dates and he still hasn’t picked up a bill or insists you pay half, get rid of him. Imagine a future with someone like that? Eww, no thanks.  Cheap date, even cheaper lover. Give yourself a pat on the back if you can get him to admit he’s actually cheap.

Two. Insulting Requests | You Want Me To Do What?

Get bigger boobs? Sure, get a bigger bank account. When a guy even slightly hints for you to alter something about your body, he’s a dick. Even if he says he’s joking, there’s always some truth behind a boob job joke.  A real man treats your body with respect and does not even bring up those lumps, bumps and spots you consider flaws because he doesn’t notice them. You should not be undressing for anyone who makes you insecure about your body.

For the record, don’t make boob job jokes if you’re grossed out by hair extensions, botox and girls who get their lips done. And no, there will be no boob job in the world of AK.

Three. He Does NOT Respect Your Privacy or Your Boundaries

There’s a big difference in taking a photo together fully clothed and him taking a nude of you for ‘his stash’ on the sly after you’ve just slept with him.  If he puts up an argument about the difference, he’s a douchebag. And for the record, taking a photo of someone while they are naked without their consent is called sexual harassment.

Four. It’s All About Him | In The Bedroom

How does any guy expect a woman to give her porn star performance when he doesn’t want to get acquainted with her private parts? I have no problem going down there if I like the guy but shove my head down where you think I belong as a woman, there will be a problem.

 Ladies, if he refuses to go down on you, he is not the guy for you or for anyone. Trust the fate of the universe and reassure yourself he’ll end up in a relationship, with his hand. Unless of course, he comes out with a letter from his Psychologist proving he has a phobia of vagina.

Five. The Misogynist

When I am asked about my goals and dreams, they generally vary from teaching young girls how to be amazing, motivational speaking and creative writing. If your response to me is something like, “Don’t you want to have kids? That’s what women are for,” I’ll probably tell you that I know gypsies with more respect towards women. A man who sees women belonging in the kitchen and cradling a child or four is not going to look after you in a healthy relationship for the rest of your life. You better run away from the misogynist male.

Six. He Reminds You of Your Ex | And Not in a Good Way

Remember that guy  from your past who did all those crazy things to you and how he made you feel? If the one you’re currently with makes you feel the same way, run in the other direction and do not look back. What is the point of dating the same type of man again? Remember how it left you and how it tore your spirit, why would you allow anyone with similar characteristics back into your life to shatter it all over again? If he reminds you of someone who was not good for you, get away.  If your gut is telling you to leave, listen to it. A woman’s intuition is never wrong. If he doesn’t look at you as though you’re magic, get rid of him.

Have you got any advice or signs for fellow readers deliberating on whether their one is a douchebag or not? Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.

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  • anon

    you date some morons adri

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